I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
