o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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