i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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