Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
