FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
