i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love having hate sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
