Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
