I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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