a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
