Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
