I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
