Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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