i already hear my dad disowning me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
