I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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