I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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