Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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