she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
