Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize