we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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