I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
