The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
