hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
