your thong is hanging out like whoa
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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