did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
