I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
