In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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