You made me cry and you don't even care
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
