I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
