Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
