How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
