Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
