forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
