he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
