i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
