I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
