i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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