Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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