did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
