this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
