this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
