he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
