Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
