i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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