The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
