Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
high people should be assigned attendants
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
