is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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