I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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