also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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