I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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