she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
