Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
