The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
