porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
