Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
