i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Four minutes until I can fart!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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