Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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