I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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