And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
