remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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