sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
