He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
