I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
