He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
