my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
