sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
