I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
