I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
