Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
