Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
