Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
