Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The Olympian is in my bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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