and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
