don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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