Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
